I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
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