Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
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