It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
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