dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
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