Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Randomize
