Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Why did my mother make you get naked?
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