My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Randomize
