like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
Four minutes until I can fart!
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
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