wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
