He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
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