I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
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