you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Randomize
