you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
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