I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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