Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
50% drunk capacity currently
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Randomize
