Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
I'm passing your future prison.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
