Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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