I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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