i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Randomize
