I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
operation harelip BJ is a go
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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