Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
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