So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
barbara walters just said penis...
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
