North Korea, Best Korea!
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
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