I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
