I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
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