He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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