i don't like sucking hair
I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
