Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
