She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
