my mouth tastes like poor choices
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
