Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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