I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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