i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
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