He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
