thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Randomize
