I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
