So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
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