HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
