Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Randomize
