I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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