Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Randomize
