it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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