who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
