The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
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