I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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