Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Who died my cat blue again?
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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