Well apparently he's into motor boating.
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
You made out with two different species that night
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
