Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Randomize
