Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
