Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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