I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
