return my video game
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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