i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
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