can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
