So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
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