Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
It's just like the Real World with babies
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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