I wannas sexs uuuuu
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
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