Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
