Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
