Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize