I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Randomize
