The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
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