i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Randomize
