did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
