Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
