My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Your penis caused this!
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
