Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
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