I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
