hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Randomize
