Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
the room spins SO much faster in panama
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Randomize
