I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Randomize
