You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Randomize
