So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Randomize
