I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
